Make peace with it.

​Is there something in your life this week that you wanted to achieve but in the end had to realise it would not be possible? Something you really really thought you could obtain but due to external and internal circumstances, you couldn't? This surely happens to all of us.

In her book, Speak Connect Succeed, Aletta Rochet talks about this idea in her chapter titled, 'The Conversation with Yourself.' She suggests that if we don't stop to talk to ourselves in a positive way then we are not helping ourselves. She says, our self-talk should have a purpose. Part of that purpose is to nurture ourselves to realise that life is full of twists and turns and unexpected events.

Jim Carrey said is succinctly in his commencement speech address when he said, put in your order with the Universe and wait to see how it plays out. We cannot always control or predict how things will turn out. This can be for our long term goals and our short term expectations. The promotion we wanted will not be given to us with a firing of confetti canons and people standing and cheering us in the office. The expectations for what our children will do might surprise us.  The birthday party we might have planned for six months, might not end the way we thought it would. The work assignment we hoped to finish this week will not be completed as we are waiting for information from colleagues.

We need to regularly make peace with all sorts of situations. We need to take time to reflect and let go of the situations and relationships that don't serve us. Should we remain angry at a colleague for something they said this week, or can we make peace with it? Our boss seemed angry with us this month, can we let go of that and stop thinking about it too much? If your boss doesn't tell you why they might be angry with you, perhaps they are not. It is these small things that we need to stay positive about and forgive others for. Otherwise all these small stones start to feel heavy for us.

This week I had the pleasure of going to Frankfurt to deliver a workshop and in airports we often just have to wait. For a connection or when boarding for instance. This gives us time to think and reflect. For me, I used this time to reflect on where I am going in my life, to make peace with where I am currently at and what I am doing with myself. Aletta warns against indulging in negative self-talk and it is amazing how easily we can move into that. Suddenly we are comparing ourselves to others, to our previous goals and feeling glum, yet the mere fact that we can easily travel around the world is such a modern marvel that other generations only dreamt about. We need to make peace with our situation in a positive way. We need to stay focused on the present and shorter term future.

So how can we do this? In my opinion:

• Be grateful for what you have. Where you are now. You are alive and hopefully somewhat well. This is a blessing as there will be times when you and those you love are not.
• We should plan for the short term. How can you build on what you have done recently? You cannot change the world in a week, but you can help your environment and make steps towards change.
• Be positive. With gratitude you help your mind frame itself to speak positively. If you notice a negative thought, think, does this serve me? Is there a message in this idea or is it just something that has popped up?
• Remember your thoughts don't define you. You are not your thoughts, these are a consequence of the information you are taking in and the filters you apply to this information.
• Listen to some positive up beat music.
• Watch an inspiring TED talk or read some short inspiration. See that there is a way forward.
• Understand you are simply here to experience. The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. It is all experience and you cannot know one without the other. So know that things will change.
• Finally, you can take a deep breath. In through your nose. Bring down any anxiety and worry and flood your body with positive oxygen. Just 'be' in that moment.

When we make peace with things, we accept ourselves and in accepting we can move on, good or bad towards our future. Make peace with where you are, come back to the NOW and you might find it is a nice place to be.