Do you know people who chew your ear off? Or others who never listen to you when you talk, they always want to interrupt with their seemingly important information and you are not sure why they never 'hear' you? Do you also know people who connect with you, make you feel special and listened to, who actually care and take note of what is happening for you?

Where you stand on this spectrum?
We can all benefit from learning how to converse. Conversation is a mainstay of society and is the reason most things happen. New ideas spark from a good conversation, we console, show concern and connect with others through conversation. Throughout millennia it is conversation, speaking and the art of conversation that has allowed us to prosper.

So how can you improve your conversation skills?

• We can listen more than we speak. In most conversations, we listen to add, we don't listen to understand, hear and be present. We hold our next line in our mind, something to add to make us look better, to steer the conversation where we want to. Just listen. In coaching it is called Active Listening. It involves not thinking of your next conversation and hanging off every word the person says.
• Don't interject with your own thoughts. By not adding your story you remain a listener and can show empathy to the person you are speaking with.
• Realise we all have biases and these play out in conscious and sub conscious ways. Watch yourself and catch yourself where you can to avoid the trap of your preconceived notions.
• Be honest with people and when you need to apologise.

​Conversation is an art that we are losing. With texts, videos, short attention spans and email, we should not forget our conversation skills. Without phones and interruptions and giving space for true connection.

So often we hear about globalisation. While a fantastic invention and something we all benefit from there could be a flip side. Namely, that we forget the local. Our immediate circle and those around us. For many, the internet and social media is fantastic as we can reach a wider, wholly international audience. I love being able to connect with family and friends in other parts of the world. I also love connected the other whom I haven't met but can learn from. Sometimes it feels great to take on new information and ideas, but conversely it can also fill me with lack. Lack at not being enough, not doing enough and perhaps failing in some way. This is where looking at others and  perceiving the social media world of others doesn't help. Comparing is never good, so what can we do?

We can think local. While we now live in a globally connected world, it is important to support, work, think and be local. To connect with those around us most immediately. To serve and support our community whether at a local church, Toastmasters club or football club or simply to be a nice neighbour and friend to those around us. To be kind to colleagues and those with whom we work. Build relationships, grow friendships and cultivate community.

Vienna while often an unfriendly place is also a nice place. In our district through having a dog we have been able to connect with many in our neighbourhood and in our building, we connect and know most of the neighbours personally. It feels nice to say hi to people in the street and greet them. This is not always possible in Vienna, but people become more friendly once you know them.

So think local, be local, connect locally and live locally. The global can wait sometimes and we don't all need 15 minutes of fame or to conquer the world. Explore and connect with others locally.

How often when you wake up, do you feel some anxiety? If I am honest, I do. I also know when I feel this way I make little cough sounds. I am not sick, but just cough. Interesting. What about you?

For me the little anxieties are usually about things I have not attended to. I have some Toastmasters projects looming and I cannot see away forward. I am meeting with a new client and feel like I don't know what will happen. I am not sure if I will get from meeting to meeting on time.

Ultimately once I start my day things go better or at least on par with my expectations. Most of the time. But what about when they don't?
This weekend at church, I am singing a solo 'Be Not Afraid' by Bob Dufford and apparently he wrote the song in a moment of anxiety. It is a religious song but the main tone if that we are not alone. We have support and guidance. Whether from above, friends, family or other sources, we need sometimes ask for help. This is what I did this morning, and I feel much better.

Do you ask for help when you need it? I think sometimes we don't until it is offered. We don't want to burden others and pretend we can do it. Until we can't. Often this is not too late like in the movies, but what if we asked for help sooner. How might things different?

I could imagine that we wouldn't feel so much anxiety. We would feel connection with others and perhaps understand that More can be be achieved. Players of team sports generally know this, but we live in a world of increasing isolation with technology. Too often we turn to tech now for advice when perhaps we should really be turning to others.

I am going to try this for awhile and see what happens. Be not afraid to try it to!

What role does music play in your life? Do you allow it to inspire you and give you energy or it is no more than background noise to an otherwise hectic life? Do you listen to certain types of music at certain times to lift you? I do and I hope you might too.
​
Some selections for me include:

• Now you come to me, Kitty Cleveland (just discovered this). This is a Christian song but it has a stirring soundscape and rising phrasing and it lovely. I hope I might sing it at church sometime soon.
• Kraken, James Heather. This is beautiful soulful music that while a little melancholic is right in certain moods.
• Elegy for the Artic, Ludovico Einaudi. This is something I play in my lectures and when I want my audience to feel inspired.
• Angel Song, Martin Landh. Again soulful piano music, this music is simply for a Sunday afternoon. I feel like I am in my own silent movie, watching my life. It is nice for reflection and contemplation.
• Rachmaninoff: Piano Concerto No. 2 in C Minor. Op. 18 II. Adagio Sostenuto. I used this in a team building day when I asked people to reflect and give feedback to their colleagues. It lifted then mood and allowed people to find compassion for their co-workers.

The list could go on, but what music do you use?

Make music a part of daily life. Listen for all moods you are in. Find songs that help give you energy, bring you down mostly just allow you to feel more fully and completely than you thought possible. Music is such an incredible gift and in this day and age it is available to us all. So let us use music to bring about change, transform lives and allow us to grow.

A Moment of Truth is when we have to see if our hard work is enough. It could be an exam, a new Opera role, a public speech or a job interview. We all have moments of truth in our lives and they are a test of our character. Sometimes we are enough and we do a great job and sometimes we haven't. We are not there yet! Yet! But with more work another moment of truth will arrive. This is the point. We are faced with moments of truth many times.

When are your moments?

​The end of October in Austria into November has a couple of shorter weeks thanks to public holidays. This is a time when Viennese scatter to holiday spots and take quick get away's. For me, it is a nice time to sleep in! Taking on Randi Zuckerberg's advice (see my post titled the Power of Three) I am now allowing myself to choose sleep a bit more by both going to bed earlier and once a week sleeping in a bit more. And let me say, it feels nice. This level of self care and respect is lovely. We need to do it more. A Toastmasters friend of mine once said she takes herself on a date each week. Nothing gets in the way of this for her.

In our fast paced world, what else could we do to promote self-care and take a rest?

• Sit on a park bench (I see this a lot in our local park)
• Have a cup of tea and stop
• Bike ride with no direction in mind
• Take a walk and let the dog lead
• Take a day of technology
• Do some gardening

All of these activities while still active, allow us to come to terms with ourselves, to see we are just here in space and that we have simply today. Tomorrow is a memory and the future is not yet formed, so we need to just be in the moment. It is easy to say and harder to do. I know this for myself as I try to cram in more activity and achieve things on a list. For what? I don't have to always do so many things and want to incorporate this rest into my life.

​Pick Three, a book by Randi Zuckerberg, talks about the power of simply picking three things to focus on in a day. Being a little lopsided. Her areas of Three you could concentrate your day on are:

• Sleep
• Work
• Family
• Fitness
• Friends

These could be three things you focus on for a year, for a month or for a day. The power is in not trying to have it all at once, but achieving it all over a longer period.

It is sound advice and something I have been thinking about since I started the book. It honestly gives me more permission to 'Sleep' for instance. This is an area which we are losing ground on and as we try to fit more into our days, we are not achieving the rest we should. We are all guilty of this at some point in our lives. We have burned the midnight oil, the candle at both ends and might actually be shortening our lives.

Technology keeps us awake, we strive to do more in less time when really, we need to simply pick three. Take three things that are important and strive for those in a day. To nourish these parts of our lives. Randi suggests that every morning we pick our three and truly focus our energies and daily life there. I have enjoyed her book so far and would recommend it.

For me, picking three allows me to:

1. Feel more calm in my day, as I know tomorrow could bring focus on other aspects.
2. Give myself permission. This morning I slept in for 20 more minutes.
3. Realise that I can achieve more than I think, over time. I don't have to get it all done today.
4. Create a sense of balance. Things come and go in waves.

So, pick three from the list above, or develop your own list. Randi is by no means the list authority, but her 5 really sum up most of the things we aim for in our lives. Try it out and let me know what you think.

When you plan a goal or plan for your growth, how do you do it? Is it like a meditation, you reflect and take time for yourself or does it come like a flash in an instant, something you know you must do? Either way it is important I guess to have these moments, in order to really see and design a way forward for yourself. As John Maxwell says, growth is not automatic and we need to be deliberate in our choices.

Where and how should we grow though? Sometimes the best advice comes from the feedback from others and I am always encouraged by this as it gives me a chance to assess how others see me. Am I living up to expectations and where can I go from here? It is also important to not be solely taking in the points of others but to also find your own point of view. What do you want to change in your life? Which aspects of your character do you want to develop and find opportunities to express?

This is true especially of the people I train and develop as speakers. Sometimes the strongest advice I can give is for them to find out what makes them interesting. We cannot please everyone, but we will please someone. Who are they and what value do they see in us? Is it in informational speeches, motivational speeches or funny stand-up comedy speeches? We cannot play everything but need to narrow into something and this can help us find a way forward.

In my own life, I have often had anxiety and stress when I have not been able to clearly see a way forward. Like the end result, the change in my development, seeing where I have come from. While this is not always essential, when I can see myself doing these activities, then it makes it easier. Dr. Joe Dispenza says that when we can really visualise this with a strong emotional connection, already playing out what the scenario will feel like, then the whole situation has a better chance of manifesting. When I think back over my life so far, this is really true. My strongest moments have played out like a de-ja-vu. Perhaps this is really what de-ja-vu is, a playing out of something your brain has already experienced. When it happens this makes it stronger. Our second time real time experience is all the more important because we have been through it already.

So how can you help yourself in this way? What can you do on a daily basis?
For me, I would visualise and practice the small things. I have been experimenting with visualising my day before I get out of bed. Really seeing things going well. Meeting people, having experiences and things running smoothly. When I am in the car or on the bus, likewise I picture green lights and easy traffic. Some days this is impossible but I can try. Meetings, seminars, workshops, clients, I can visualise it all. The effect on my character and person is a strong point. I feel empowered that I am the creator of my environment to an extent rather than being a victim to it. This difference is clue to being a stronger person, making better decisions and moving forward. It is our decision making that leads up forward. We are always about decisions. Some people decide to wear the same clothing everyday to avoid decisions. Why not just spend a few minutes planning at the start of the day and get on with it.

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
The rains fall soft upon your fields

And until we meet again, until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand
And until we meet again, until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand

May the sun make your days bright
May the stars illuminate your nights
May the flowers bloom along your path
Your house stand firm against the storm

And until we meet again, until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand
And until we meet again, until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand

These beautiful words when sung absolutely fill me with immense sorrow and joy. Longing and happiness. I got to sing them over the weekend in a choir from Innsbruck I was lucky to sing with. This song appeared around the dinner table where we had all shared a meal with the group. We all sang and the spirit in the room was amazing. Not for the singing, but for the sense of the words that filled my heart. Even now when I think of these words with no one in particular in my mind, my eyes water. They are simply beautiful. It is pleasure to have them in my life.

Summer is now over in Vienna and it is time to see Autumn arrive. So what does this change of season mean for us and our personal development? For me, it is time when I focus again on my growth plan and to see where I would like things to go. This year, September also felt like January used to feel like in Australia. A time of renewal and focus, the returning of school for my kids and work for my wife, but it felt different. The seasons often reflect our focus and I am sure change how we approach life.

We all have seasons within our life. We have winters, springs, summers  and falls (Autumns, but the song was running through my head!) and all we have to do is call. Perhaps we need to call a friend, to ask for help and to offer help when asked. We need to know people have our backs and it is temporary. We never really know what is going on for others and neither they for us, but we are all in a season. A time of plenty or a time of perceived famine. Perhaps things aren't going right or they feel great. These seasons come and go, like chapters of a book. Of course we don't always get to write all the content of the chapters and be the main players, but we are involved somehow. How we react, cope and move on, all change how long are seasons are.
​
When we know there are seasons we can prepare for them and this is psychologically helpful. When we see others in different seasons we need to accept them for where they are, offer them friendship and a hand and see what happens. Let them be where they need to be and learn the lessons they need to learn from that season. This are lessons here. Let the seasons be. We cannot always control them. But we can cope and know that another season is around the corner.